The Bishop on Torchwood: 'Ghost Machine'

The best that can be said of Helen Raynor, as a scriptwriter, is that she shouldn’t be. There is nothing too unfortunate about the plot of ‘Ghost Machine’, but its dialogue, which culminates in Gwen’s sage observation that the dawn represents ‘a new day’, would not be out of place hosting the Eurovision Song Contest. The blame for the episode’s cringe factor­–ten sexual tension, meanwhile, can probably be laid at the feet of Russell T. Davies, who like a teenage boy is obsessed with it, and handles it about as well.

Eve Myles still has a terrific arse, but is beginning to grate; and the Bishop was disappointed to discover that her expression for 'shocked' seems to have been based on a goldfish. Burn Gorman, as Owen, becomes interesting, but as if to keep the Torchwood universe in balance, John Barrowman’s Captain Jack heralds less so. The Bishop appreciates Barrowman’s charm, but here he is laughably sleazy and a peg or two too camp: less the leader of a top secret organisation, more the director of a musical troupe.

And then there’s the small credibility matter that, if you believed you were going to die soon on a certain street, you’d probably steer well clear of it. Much like anything with Helen Raynor’s name on the credits.